Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
