What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
