Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
