Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
