Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
