So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize