Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize