Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you inspire me to be a worse person
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
