Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
