White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm both gender and math confused
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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