Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
