K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize