I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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