this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
