i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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