Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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