I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
