were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
