I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
