his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
