Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
