just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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