There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize