Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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