Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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