We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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