True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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