I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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