oh god the rape fog is back!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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