apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
