My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
