I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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