Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
