If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
