I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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