Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
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today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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