this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
