idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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