Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
