I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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