When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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