imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
