Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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