I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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