Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
