you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
