So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
