I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
