I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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