I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
