There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
