my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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