im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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