You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
