Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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