Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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