its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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