i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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