You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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