Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
