Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
