part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
