1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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