SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
