I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
