Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
