Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
