I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
