I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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