We're facebook friends in real life
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
