Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
