he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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