My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
