Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this beer tastes like vomit already
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
