we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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