Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
thus making me awesome and them whores
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When did angry sex become our thing?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
