Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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