the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
