My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
